Hardest of Hearts
by GhostlyMayhem
Summary: The end of the world always had strange effects on people. An AU twist on "Prediction Predicament". Dedede/Escargoon, One-shot. Rated M for smut.


**...**

**Hardest of Hearts**

_'There is love in your body but you can't hold it in_  
_It pours from your eyes and spills from your skin_  
_Tenderest touch leaves the darkest of marks_  
_And the kindest of kisses breaks the hardest of hearts...'_

**—"Hardest of Hearts", Florence + The Machine**

**...**

"...Sire... do you suppose you can find it in your fat, clogged heart to forgive me?"

"...Yeah, alright," King Dedede grumbled. Something came to mind then for him. If everyone was confessing, shouldn't he confess as well? "But what about me?"

"Ooh!" Escargoon grew hopeful then. Not interested or curious—there was no real time to debate what the king could possibly have confess—but hopeful. Hope was the only thing anyone could be feeling at a time where time itself was limited. "I'm listening."

"This is kinda hard for me to say..."

"Just say it, sire!"

Now was the time. _At least, it should be, shouldn't it?_ King Dedede debated this silently—if all those years of denial building up was worth finally breaking. Glancing up at the crimson sky and catching sight of the asteroid slowly heading toward Dreamland made Dedede realize just how much time he didn't have left. It dawned on him then that after so long he spent in denial—of his feelings; of the inevitable fate that would soon befall everyone around him, including himself—he wouldn't have any more time if he choose to stay quiet. It was now or never. _Now or never..._

Dedede turned away, ripping his gaze away from the sky. "There's somethin' I gotta do first," he mumbled finally. Without even thinking of his actions—his body acting off it's own desire—he grabbed hold of Escargoon's arm and headed back inside the castle.

Escargoon didn't understand what the king could possibly have left to do with so little time left. He'd been hopeful for something else to come out of Dedede's mouth—three little words that he'd been sure would never see the light of day. However, as Dedede carefully lead him down a labyrinth of hallways, Escargoon noticed that the king's grip on his arm wasn't as rough as it usually was. No... the grip was... strangely gentle, and _'gentle'_ wasn't a word usually associated with someone like King Dedede.

Then again... The end of the world always had strange effects on people.

* * *

There were in the king's room now. With the door shut and the crimson sky still visible from the windows, there was no chance of anyone—not even the Waddle Dees—barging in unexpectedly.

Still... Escargoon wasn't exactly sure what could possibly be so important that King Dedede wanted to speak to him in private, especially with time running out and the world as they know it close to ending within an hour. He had his one hope, mind you, but he doubted that what he hoped would ever be possible. What he hoped to hear was—to him—very impossible. With Dedede's bloated ego as big as his own stomach, Escargoon knew it was a lost cause to hope for such a foolish thing. He knew the only person the king could ever love was himself, and maybe the end of the world couldn't change that.

Even so... A little bit of hope still glimmered inside him.

Dedede paced back in forth, silently debating what exactly to say and whether or not he should say it. Escargoon sat on the foot of the bed, watching the king's apprehensive pacing. He felt impatient, to say the least, but he masked his irritation well as he finally broke the dreadful silence, "Sire, why... exactly did you bring me here? What's so important that you had to drag me to your room?"

The penguin froze in his tracks, and for a moment Escargoon tensed, expecting a blow somewhere on his body. A minute more of silence passed before the snail relaxed.

"...Escargoon," the king began slowly, "Do you know exactly how long you've been workin' for me?"

"As long as I can remember," Escargoon answered instantly, unable to come up with the exact number of years he'd been working as the king's right-hand man. "Why?"

Dedede bit his lip, hard enough to taste blood in moments. _Time's runnin' out... It's now or never._ "Because..." he swallowed hard, heart racing with anxiety.

"...because...?"

The king willed himself to speak further. He even knew of what to say, what he wanted to say, but his body locked in on itself, feet planted into the ground as though he were stuck in the mud—unable to move, unable to speak. He just stood there, his heart thudding painfully against his ribcage.

"If you're not going to say anything, I might as well just go," Escargoon snapped, his patience wearing thin. However, he stayed on the bed, not even attempting to get up and leave like he said he would. "You're keeping me here until it's all over, and for what? To remind you of lonely you really are? That your only friend that you never even treated as a friend can stay with you to the end? How is that fair to me? If you're not going to tell me the real reason why you brought me here, can ya at least tell me how forcing my mother to die alone so you can die with someone is fair? If you treated me with respect for once, maybe I wouldn't mind as much, but that's just it your majesty—you've never treated me with respect, and you never will..." he locked his eyes on the floor, his voice progressively rising with anger. He knew he was rambling off on his inner feelings, and by that point he didn't care. He might as well let the king know how he really felt about all the mistreatment he suffered over the years. The world was ending, after all. _Why should it matter?_ "I don't even know why I stay, and I don't know why I stayed in the first place... Maybe it's because I do care for you, and it kills me to care for someone who only cares for himself, but maybe... Maybe—"

At the sudden sound of heavy footsteps thundering forward, Escargoon quickly glanced back up, fully expecting a blow this time. He had no time to instinctively bring his hands up to cover his head, but his eyes caught sight of Dedede's face just inches from his. He didn't have time to ponder why the king was so close to him—something slammed against his lips before he had the chance. Escargoon gasped, leaning back in shock, but Dedede only pressed himself closer against the snail.

_I must be dreamin'. This has to be a dream..._ Escargoon was quite sure that he wasn't in reality, that what was happening—King Dedede pressing his lips against his own—wasn't actually happening. He figured that either the world wasn't going to end and that he'd soon wake up in his own bed, welcomed to reality by the morning sun and cheerful blue sky, or that the world had already ended—that he, the king, his mother, and everyone in Dreamland were dead. And if he was dead, that could only mean he was in some afterlife of some sort. Though he never believed in Heaven (he was never a religious snail) he was sure he'd go to Hell when he died. But if he was dead, and if Dedede was kissing him, he couldn't be in Hell. And... the kiss itself felt much too real to be a dream of any kind.

_I'm not... I'm not dead..._ The snail reminded himself, though a part of him still believed otherwise. Reality or not, he decided to slowly melt into the kiss, allowing the penguin's tongue to slip into his mouth until both his tongue and the king's tongue met. A satisfied moan escaped him, and it was then he knew that he wasn't dreaming, and that he wasn't dead either.

_I'm alive. This is real..._

When Dedede finally pulled away, Escargoon was left breathless. The penguin was still just inches from his face, and something about the way the king was looking at him prompted Escargoon to raise a shaky hand. _The world is ending in less than an hour... It's now or never._ He tentatively grabbed a hold of Dedede's robe. Now or never... This was what you wanted. He grabbed hold of the soft fabric with his hands, roughly trying to tug the article of clothing off but failing miserably. The penguin couldn't help but grin at the snail's attempts and quickly helped in the removal of his robe, as well as the band across his waist. Every inch of clothing on Dedede's body silently fell to the floor within seconds.

They locked eyes once more, before Dedede tackled him to the bed.

The king straddled his assistant, showering him with kisses—some as soft as butterfly wings, others as rough as Dedede's personality. Escargoon felt a wave of heat in his most private areas, and despite the warmth that flooded his cheeks, he went along with the king's movements, bringing his hands to the penguin's back and dragging across, clawing at the bare blue skin.

Dedede was notably aroused in his private area as well. But even so, he felt the need to pull away, leaving Escargoon to huff with impatience, "What is it?"

"I..." Dedede hesitated to answer. "...I-I..." The king glanced away, a deep blush forming on his cheeks as well. "..._How_ exactly are we supposed to do this?"

At first, Escargoon had no idea what Dedede meant. "What do you...?" He understood now. "...oh..."

"We're both guys," Dedede reminded the snail. "So where exactly am I supposed to... ya know..."

The snail gulped."Well," Escargoon began nervously, "...Uh... there actually is a way... because I'm... I-I'm... I have..."

"Ya got what?" Now it was Dedede's turn to become impatient. "Tell me, boy!"

"I..." Escargoon averted his eyes away from the king. "...I have... male _and_ female... parts..."

Dedede blinked. "Parts? Whattya mean by..." it dawned on him then, what exactly his nervous assistant could possibly mean by 'parts'. "...Oh..."

"Y-Yeah..." Escargoon gave a small nod. "But I am a boy... I mean, I consider myself a boy, except I have a female... entrance... So... Ya know, if that's what you were wondering, that's where you can... enter me... I-If I haven't disgusted you in any way, and if so I completely under—"

Dedede silenced him with a quick kiss to the lips. He pulled away after a moment, staring down at the snail with kind eyes. "You're still a guy to me, Goonie... I don't think it's weird or anything. In fact, it makes it easier for us."

Escargoon was stunned to hear the king's approval of his anatomy. "R-Really?"

"Yup." Dedede searched for the so-called entrance on the snail's body. "Where exactly is... it?"

"O-Oh..." The snail blushed. "It's... um..." he rolled onto his belly, positioning himself until the underside of him was visible, along with a small slit. "Right there." He turned his head and noticed Dedede's erection. His blush deepened. "Y-You can go in if you want, sire..."

"Okay, but..." the penguin didn't move."Will it hurt ya?"

"Hurt me?"

"Yeah... you know, if you're a virgin, it usually hurts, don't it?"

"I've heard that before..." Escargoon nodded. He couldn't help the teasing smirk that appeared on his face. "What makes you think I'm a virgin?"

Dedede only stared at him plainly.

Eacargoon gave a nervous laugh, his smirk fading. "Uh..." he cleared his throat to rid himself of the awkwardness. "Yeah, you're right about that... about me being a... virgin and all... But..." he smiled faintly. "I'll be okay. I won't mind if it hurts. We don't have much time to live, so... What damage could a little pain do?"

The king wasn't sure how to respond. On the current situation at hand, he still found himself tongue tied and unable to say much. "...okay," he said finally, preparing himself. "If ya say so..."

Slowly, Dedede rubbed the head against the entrance, pushing in slightly. Escargoon winced just a bit, gripping the silk blankets tightly. However, from Dedede's position on top of Escargoon, there was no real sign to him that it could be that painful. Then again... how was Dedede supposed to know what his assistant was feeling down there?

Escargoon waited for Dedede to fully enter him, his heart skipping a beat. He shivered with anticipation. Had this been under any other circumstances (where the world wasn't ending), the snail would have been curious to try other things, like oral sex. But he felt—with the lack of time and how much of it was slowly ticking away until it ran out completely—that they didn't have the time to try anything else. And by that point, with the world about to end, he was too impatient and wouldn't want to wait for the actual sex. He'd been hoping to hear the words _"I love you"_ from King Dedede, but this was not what he would have ever expected to happen. Even though it was under such dire circumstances, Escargoon didn't care.

_What's taking him so—_ the thought barely finished when the king slid himself completely into the snail. Escargoon gave a gasp—half with pain and half with surprise. _This hurts more than I thought it would!_ He turned his head, breathing heavily.

Dedede watched him with—dare Escargoon say—worried eyes. "Are ya alright?"

"I-I'm fine," his assistant lied, his breath caught in his throat. "You just caught me off guard, that's all."

There was no further movement—with Dedede hesitant to go in further and Escargoon slowly growing even more impatient than before. "You can keep going, sire..."

Seconds—which felt more like hours—passed in silence. Escargoon stared at the king, his eyes hardening. _Just go in!_ His mind screamed, but he refused to actually speak what his mind wanted him to say. He could ignore the pain—he had to. He wanted this to be the last memory he had before the world as he knew it ended. A memory which would allow him to pass on peacefully—even though he knew his last seconds alive would be quite painful, even more so than the actual sex.

_Just DO IT._ With a grunt of pain and effort, Escargoon pushed up, forcing Dedede to go in further. The penguin let out a startled yell that quickly turned to a moan, feeling the slick entrance tighten effectively around his member.

"Oh fuck..." Dedede couldn't hold back any longer. Just knowing how badly his faithful assistant wanted him... It was enough to drive the king mad. He gripped Escargoon's sides and gave a thrust, almost like a practice run to see if the snail was enjoying himself. The cry the snail gave was the only answer Dedede needed to not only continue, but to go harder and faster.

"Ah… S-Sire...!" Escargoon's hands clenched into fists, clutching the silk blankets even tighter than before. His walls clamped down on Dedede's member, a cascade of curse words bursting from the king's mouth.

Dedede gave another hard thrust, sliding in and out. Escargoon moaned and cried out the king's name—not _'sire'_ or even _'your majesty'_, but his real name—driving Dedede further over the edge. He gripped the snail's sides and slammed into him, warm fluids already leaking from Escargoon's entrance.

The wind roared and whirled outside. The mattress shook and the floor rumbled, the castle wobbling on its own foundations. Whether it was already time for the end or not, the two males couldn't care less. They simply kept at the steady pace, going hard at each other.

To suppress his own ardent desires and make the moment last, Dedede turned his attention to his assistant's neck—sucking, nibbling, teasing and licking the purple skin. Escargoon squirmed delightfully against him, making small gasping noises that only fueled Dedede's rushing orgasm.

Escargoon finally tensed and arched out towards him, crying out his name in surprise. Dedede collapsed on top of him, but was mindful about making sure he didn't crush his assistant with his weight. The penguin was smiling in a way that could only be described as relief—at last releasing the years-long, pent-up strain and tension from his own body by spilling his seed into Escargoon. A minute passed before he pulled out completely.

The last of Dedede's energy was spent on rolling onto his back on the bed, until he was lying right beside Escargoon. Panting, the king glanced over at his assistant with half-lidded eyes, curious to see what state the snail was in. Escargoon breathed in deeply and heavily, his cheeks flushed, purple skin slick and shiny with perspiration. Dedede was certain he could see the snail's erratic thump of his pulse in his neck—chest heaving up and down for breath.

The rumbling of the floor and the roaring wind outside ceased to a stop. Dedede reached over and pulled Escargoon close, until his head was lying on his chest. The snail was more surprised by this gesture than the sex itself. "S-Sire?"

"I'm sorry," Dedede mumbled, closing his eyes, his arm securely wrapped around his assistant.

Escargoon could hear the thudding of Dedede's heart, the sound like a muffled drum playing in his ears. Despite the fear he should have felt about the world ending, he instead felt a wave of calm, Dedede's heart beat almost lulling him into a peaceful sleep. "Sorry for what...?"

There were a few moments of silence. "For how I treated ya all these years," the penguin said finally, his tone soft.

Escargoon briefly stayed silent, debating whether to state his forgiveness to the king. "I... I forgive you," he whispered faintly, eyelids growing heavy with each pulse Dedede's heart made.

Within minutes, both males were pulled into sleep. They hadn't even noticed that the sky had changed back to its regular blue color—the asteroid heading off into a different direction away from the castle.

* * *

Despite the world not ending after all...

The king and his assistant did not have any regrets.

_'There is love in our bodies and it holds us together_  
_But pulls us apart when we're holding each other _  
_We all want something to hold in the night_  
_We don't care if it hurts when we're holding to tight...'_

* * *

**A/N: ...I have NO regrets about this. X3 **

**If it's not obvious already, Dedede and Escargoon had sex while the astroid was being fought off by Kirby. This is an AU spin on the "Prediction Predicament" episode, if that wasn't made clear already. And for those who didn't know, snails have both male and female parts, meaning they're hermaphrodites. So... Yeah. Just if some of you didn't know that, now you do. :P**

**God, "Hardest of Hearts" fits this SO perfectly, and it fits this pairing so perfectly, I just can't even... ejtapehdjwldn**

**Goddamn, this is the LONGEST one-shot I have EVER written... wow... *faints***

**So... yeah. I have no regrets about this. If you like this pairing and liked this story, please review! If you didn't, just turn away. **


End file.
